Blogs

Recently, Jeff and I attended a Kansas City Royals game. While there, it was colder than ******** on a holiday, so to find relief from the cold, we went to get some hot dogs. Now, hot dogs were just the thing we needed on such a cold day. So, we walked up to the first place where you buy hot dogs. There…

A lot of websites use something built into your internet browser called ActiveX. This ActiveX thing helps do a lot a things on websites, so you'd think it would be really hard to delete, right? Well, you would be wrong. I was cleaning all the old junk off my computer (KidPix, Disney Magic Paintshop,…

Now, some of you may be aware that Student Council elections are coming up this very Monday! The forecast for Monday? It'll be a bit windy. Now, let me introduce you to most certainly the prettiest candidate for President (or maybe Secretary...) You may know her as "Lil' Helmke", but we here at Official…

Part I Vending machines are kind of like crap. They always find a way to malfunction. Take today for instance. I went to buy a bag of Garden Salsa SunChips®, when I fell prey to the evil wrath of that which is thy vending machine. So, I put in my money. A $1 bill. Well, the first time, it doesn't take…

I don't know about you but a few weeks ago I discovered the most delicious food in the world, Jack links brand beef jerky beef nuggets. Okay I know you're probably thinking WHAT?!? So let me break it down for you: A long time ago Odysseus' soldiers landed on the island of Apollo and slaughtered all…

Movie theater pricing sucks. Recently, I went to see Prom Night with Emily. I had a great time, but you know what would've even made it more fun? Popcorn. And something to drink. But no. I can't afford their refreshments! I could buy a brand new CD and listen to it over and over for the same price as…

Recently I was surfing the net, when this fake scenario came up: "Your superpower is that you smell like dandelions whenever someone lies. How will you maintain your secret identity?" Here's my response: It seems obvious that if I have superpowers I would also be entitled to a sidekick. I would have…

I hate chain letters. I wake up in the morning thinking...I can't wait to read as many possible chain letters in a row as I can without sleeping. So, I thought I'd right my own. All this crap I tell you is true. Once upon a time there was a little boy named Brittany. He had a girl that he really liked…

Sundays are a big day for some families. Most specifically, for church. But for me, Sundays have a whole different meaning. You see, my dad plays the drums for church every other week-end. And every other Sunday, we have a tradition for when he arrives home. I will help carry on this tradition when…

Trash cans are a waste of space. Ha, waste. (You know, cos' that's what they hold.) Anyways, they're a waste of space. Why do you need to sanction off an area of a room just for trash? Just throw it wherever, like I do. In some of my classes there are multiple size trash cans. Sometimes, to promote…

Wal-Mart Prices. Wal-Mart prices are awesome! I was at Wal-Mart the other day, and I was looking for a good table to buy with some good chairs to put on my deck out back. Well, I was searching around and couldn't find anything good, so I asked some guy with a blue vest on where I could find a good one.…

Construction workers. I HATE construction workers! I don't even think you can call them workers. More like eaters! Construction eaters. Wait, that doesn't make sense, they don't eat construction! Okay, I guess I'll just substitute construction with sandwich. Sandwich eaters. That would be the best job…

Band-aids suck. They're just all around crap. Sure, they cover the disgusting scar you got last night when you dove off the top of your parking garage and landed on a pinwheel that you're brother oh so precariously set among the leaves, but still... They have different ones, different sizes, different…

Kites fit in with my band-aids story. Well, the other day (Thursday during Spring Break), we went to fly kites out at the zoo. I mean lake. I could've just clicked backspace to erase zoo and write lake instead, but that would've been too much work. I'm lazy, remember? So, anyways. It was windier then…

So, recently, my family went shopping, to buy stuff. You know? What families do when they shop... So, anyways, I got an orange button-up shirt. This shirt has magical powers. It's kind of like that episode of Drake & Josh where Josh has a lucky shirt, except I didn't get free video games, and I actually…

White out is stupid! I don't even think it works! Hey look, kid! You made a mistake! And you wrote it in pen! Now you ****** up! Now you ****** up! Now you ****** up! You have ****** up now. Now you ****** up! (Whitest Kids U'Know, Right Elijah?) Anyway, you ****** up now and you go for the white out.…

Plastic forks and spoons suck! At school, they got rid of the metal forks and spoons because people were throwing them away. That was a stupid move. Now I don't know what to do when we have lunches like today! Today we had a burrito. With cheese. I'm not gonna pick it up with my hand, since it's covered…

Annoying gum chewers are annoying (Well, imagine that)! I was just sitting at school one time, (like I do every single day!) and I'm trying to concentrate on this assignment. Well, some kid has to chew with their mouth open! So I'm sitting here trying to concentrate, and all I hear is the gum being…

Potted plants. Potted plants are crap. Here, I'll give you a second to get up, and go over to the nearest potted plant, and just say "Hey...You suck." You know why? There's a couple of reasons. First of all, think of how much work you have to put into the upkeep of a potted plant. You have to water…

Vacuums. Vacuums are crap. There's a couple of reasons, the biggest being their name. Vacuum. Now, most young children have got the right idea. Spell it vacume. Now, who decided to string two U's together? What the heck? And the noise they make. Why do they make noise? I don't make near as much noise,…