Vacuums

Vacuums. Vacuums are crap. There's a couple of reasons, the biggest being their name. Vacuum. Now, most young children have got the right idea. Spell it vacume. Now, who decided to string two U's together? What the heck? And the noise they make. Why do they make noise? I don't make near as much noise, even when I just crawled out of a pool after a near-death experience and am gasping for air. And they don't even pick up everything. "Hey son, vacuum the floor." "Thanks mom." So, you go to vacuum the floor where you just spilled a potted plant. Ten minutes later... "Done." "Did you even vacuum?! Look at that mess!" Well, it's the vacuum's fault! I suppose I could lick it up for you...