Elijah and Jeff Go to Abilene

Elijah Kampsen

Elijah Kampsen

June 9, 2008 12:00 AM CDT

Elijah and Jeff Go To Abilene, Pt. 1 (Elijah)

We've only been in the car for about 10 minutes, and Jeff is already pissing me off. We started the sneeze game, and I am winning by 20 points already! For those of you who don't know, here are the sneeze game rules:

Sneeze Game

2 - ? Players

Rules: When someone sneezes a legitimate sneeze, the first one to say "Bless you, 10 points!" wins 10 points. The person with the most points at the end of the playing period wins.

Easy enough, right? WRONG! Well, no, you were right. It's easy. I always beat Tara at the sneeze game during Driver's Ed. We're still in the car and the glare is getting on my nerves. Grrrr...

Elijah and Jeff Go To Abilene, Pt. 2 (Jeff)

So, car rides can get pretty boring. Correction. Very boring. So what should you do when you're bored? Draw drawings of people on Paint.NET®, of course! So, Elijah started first and drew me. He was doing fine... until I was black. That kind of messed up everything because.... Well... I'm not black. Anyway, then it was my turn and I had to perfect it. So, his drawing took him five minutes and as for me... twenty. Yeah, it took some time, but it was worth it. Kind of. Anyways, you probably want to see these wonderful drawings, so just look below, stupid.

Jeff drawn by Elijah Elijah drawn by Jeff

Oops, looks like Elijah is getting pissed. I don't know why. Maybe he doesn't like me holding his laptop. Anyway, he is now threatening to play the punch game. Gotta go!

Elijah and Jeff Go To Abilene, Pt. 3 (Elijah)

Jeff was getting on my nerves, so we played the punch game. What is the punch game you ask? Well,

Punch Game

2 players

Rules: I punch you and you get punched. Whoever gets punched loses.

As you can imagine, I've been on a winning streak for quite a while now. Oops. Jeff's mom wasn't very happy about me hitting Jeff. Now she's threatening to kick me out of the car. "Please don't kick me out of the car!" Now she's making me apologize. "Sorry Jeff."

Elijah and Jeff Go To Abilene, Pt. 4 (Jeff)

"It's okay Elijah." Not really, but he doesn't know. Oh ****, he's reading this. I mean, it's okay. Anyway, the punch game is retarded, because you can't punch back. Stupid rules. I could go back up and change it, but Elijah is right here. So anyway, we're just sitting here in the car listening to Rock Band music. It's pretty entertaining, until you get to I'm So Sick and hear some pissed chick talk about being sick. She screams and it hurts my ears. I get pissed too, but you don't see me writing songs about it to hurt people's hearing. Enough of that though... stupid computers. I was spell checking, and it wanted to make 'it's' become 'its', but that doesn't make any sense because 'its' is possessive, and I'm pretty sure Elijah is not an it and does not have power over okay. Stupid computers, what do they know about grammar?! You may... may, may, may... see a shirt coming soon to www.officialorange.com that might accidentally read 'Stupid computers, what do they know'. BUY IT!

Jeff and Elijah Go To Abilene, Pt. 5 (Elijah)

Right now, we're listening to Dani California. It's a good song. I think we're ALMOST to Abilene. What's in Abilene, anyway? I don't know, so quit asking. For now, we will probably write the lyrics to the first full-length album from Baby J and the Playa-Hatas Squad. By the way, we're open for booking bars, private parties, Verizon Wireless Amphitheater... We won't charge THAT much... We would really like to open for a band like Shat, or even Cannibal Corpse. My mom doesn't like Cannibal Corpse. Neither does my dad. Neither does my brother. Neither does Jeff. Neither do I. Now, Tom Sawyer just came on. Mmmmm... All I see out the windows is rolling hills and deep, luscious meadows. And some rocks. Jeff's trying to catch his finger again. We have arrived at our destination.

Pictures from Abilene:
Click picture to enlarge. Hover mouse over picture for description.

Impressed? And by no you mean yes? Thought so. The (second) cutest of Dwight's 13 children. Jeff's the uglier (prettier) one. I'm the cuter one on the right (left).
Jeff's taller. But Eisenhower cheats. But so does Jeff. The standard tourist picture. The uglier (prettier) son of Dwight and Mamie. They refer to him as 'the accident' (awesome).

Pictures in the museum... of justice:

Click pictures to enlarge. Hover mouse over picture for description.

Jeff is very modest. Not even the people at the museum know how to spell. That's not the only thing I do in that position...I also poop.
We're actually giving each other the thumbs up. The other people just got in the way. -.- He has a chin. On his forehead! That's the joke. I don't smoke or condone smoking. I just do it to look cool.
This'll go on my campaign button. Look! It's Willie's dad! Little did he know, there WAS a bullet in there.
Hail Hitler! Disclaimer: Official Orange does not condone or practice Nazi-ism. Little known fact, Elijah was our 32.73 president. 1950's headphones! Yay!
He's in the thinking chair, but we can help. 'Oh, you're looking for London? That's not in North America...' How the West was won... Stunning looks.
This beautiful painting was painted by Woodrow Wilson. It's very creative. 'You could've been all I wanted, but you weren't honest, now get in the ground...' Cover your ears.
A time lapse of what happened when Jeff watched a movie at the museum.


Jeff and Elijah Go To Abilene, Pt. 6 (Jeff)

We are leaving the destination. That was a fast trip wasn't it. We arrived at the gift shop and bought some awesome 'I like Ike' buttons. Then we left. Well... not really. You can see some awesome pictures of our trips above. Anyhow, we were at lunch eating lunch, and I was eating my Doritos like any kid would. So, I was eating them, when all of a sudden, one of those **** suckers got stuck in my throat! And it wasn't just stuck, it was stuck with the point of the Dorito stabbing me on the inside of my neck! They need to put warnings on their bags reading, "Doritos require chewing." That would have probably helped. Anyway, besides the Doritos, we also had turkey sandwiches, which were delicious of course, and there was also potato salad. I tried some, and on a scale of 1 to 10, it sucked! I hate potato salad! So my advice after taking this trip would be, potato salad sucks!

Jeff and Elijah Go To Abilene, Pt. 7 (Elijah)

Well, potato salad is suck. No typo there. Anyways, I'm pretty sure I learned more today about history then I have since I began school 10 years ago. How do you get "Ike" from "Dwight"? I don't know either. But, still. The best part was lunch, because we got to eat. Did you know that our 43rd president was George Bush? Me neither! How about our 1st president? George Washington! I just learned that. If you ever want to learn about presidents... Abilene. Yes, but I think the best part of the trip was the car ride there and back. My water is warm, and it's pretty gross. Do you want warm water? Then come get it. So, stupid thing. The sun. You may remember my rant about the sun a while back. Anyways, on the way to Abilene, we were going west, which means the sun was on the back of our necks the whole time through the back windshield. It's now 3:14 and the sun is in the west now. We're going east... ****. Same problem. It got real old real fast. Hmmm... We could cover the back windshield, but then we'd wreck the car. I think it'd be worth it though. My neck hurts.

Jeff and Elijah Go To Abilene, Pt. 8 (Jeff)

Oh my God, my neck burns like the freaking sun! Anyway, we're currently listening to Epic. They don't fool me; I know what they're advertising... Man, I'm really hungry for some ice cream, hold on. ****, we don't have any ice cream with us! I can't believe it! Well, I always have this water, which isn't very good. Oh well. My leg itches like no one's business! Those stupid mosquitoes bit me like no tomorrow yesterday when we were playing Bocce Ball. You might have no freaking clue what Bocce Ball is, so Elijah will explain since he explains all the games. In the meantime, I'm gonna itch these bites until it's my turn again. Bon Voyage!

Jeff and Elijah Go To Abilene, Pt. 9 (Elijah)

We played Bocce Ball at Jeff's house last night. Fun game, unless you CHEAT. I don't know anyone who cheats though. Jeff cheats. He's tall and stronger so he can throw it further. CHEAT! Someday he'll learn a lesson though. When he gets home and finds a brick through his window. It'll have a note... "Cheat again, your cat's dead." That'll teach him.

Bocce Ball

2 - 4 players

Rules: You throw one small white ball. Then, players take turns throwing larger, heavier balls towards the small ball. Closest person gets points. First to 16 wins.

Simple enough, right? I think so too. It's a pretty fun game when you play fair. Not so much when you don't play fair though.[1]

Jeff and Elijah Go To Abilene, Pt. 10 (The Final Chapter) (Jeff)

Fun game Bocce Ball. (Elijah is just jealous that he didn't win.) We're currently listening to Reptilia. Liam would be happy since he loves this song. Elijah just hit me and I didn't like it. Like I said, he's just jealous. Stupid Elijah. Ope, he's reading what I'm writing and he looks pissed. Now he's threatening to break my Zune. He dropped it once on a water bottle. There appears to be no damage done. Yet. I think Elijah has ADD because he has now randomly stopped and has started to play with his shoe. Now Ballroom Blitz is playing. Gas is expensive. $4.44 for diesel! Holy ****! Do you think gas prices will eventually go down? I don't think they will. I hate politics! Oh no! Elijah has now stopped messing with his shoe! Outside is playing! Elijah has a gun! No Elijah! It wasn't me! No! Help! Please! Someone help me! He has a gun! He has au;rhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[1]Jeff cheats.