Blogs

MouseHunt

Boredom sucks. So, say you're sitting at home with nothing to do. That's boredom. And that sucks. So, I have searched the internet for ages looking for a way to beat boredom, and I think I've come up with a solution. MouseHunt. MouseHunt rocks! Right, Jeff? MouseHunt is a Facebook application. You're...

Microwaves

Microwaves suck. Take today for instance. I went to cook my beloved toaster strudels that I love SO much. Well, whenever I cook toaster strudels, I have a hard time getting the icing out of it's delicious plastic packaging. So, I put the icing in the microwave for a second or two, so it squeezes right...

The Sun

The sun sucks. "Oh, let's be bright and warm the Earth." How about not. How about, you heat the Earth, without being so bright. We're worried about global warming. Maybe we just need to show the sun whose boss and make something twice as bright to shine in it's eyes. We wouldn't need sunglasses if the...

Vases

Vases are stupid. They always seem to know when your the closest one to the table, then they tip themselves over to get you in trouble. Or, they magnetize themselves to your hand so that it looks like you knocked them over. But that only happens when someone else is in the room. And then, your Mom's...

St. Patricks Day

St. Patrick's Day. St. Patrick's Day is neutral. Sure, it's an excuse to wear green, but I didn't even where green. And it's a day to get drunk, but I am too young. St. Patrick's Day is pointless! I couldn't go to the parade, because it rained, and I wouldn't have gotten any candy anyway, because the...

Toaster Strudels

Toaster Strudels rock! They're the perfect way to express my feelings! I can just whip out a couple of toaster strudels, and draw how I'm feeling! And they taste great too! I freakin' love toaster strudels! You know what sucks though? There's only 6 in a box, and Liam has to eat 4 of those 6. Older kids...

Bowling Trip

Intro: Hey, my dad took Jeff and I bowling over Spring Break, so here's some related topics. Folded dollars (Jeff) Folded dollars suck! I was at the bowling alley and I got really thirsty. So, doing the natural thing to do if you're thirsty, I went and bought a Mountain Dew. So, I took out a...

Akavar (narrated)

Akavar is stupid. Ever seen their commercials? I have. You can eat as much as you want and still lose weight! Bullcrap. That may be true, but there has to be some crazy technique behind it. Like bulimia. I'm almost sure Akavar must induce bulimia. Otherwise, how would that be possible? Does the pill...

Wooden Spoons

Now, what would you EVER need a wooden spoon for? (And I don't need any of my smart-*** friends to post a response and tell me.) All I can think of is to spank a baby. You just whip out the wooden spoon and beat him. (Now, in this hypothetical situation, the baby had been bad. I was not promoting child...

The Hunt for the Wild Strawberries (narrated)

"The Hunt for the Wild Strawberries" By Jeff It was just a normal, Saturday afternoon, as a smart, acute boy was walking through the forest as usual, smelling the smell of the trees and the grass that were nettling him. He hated trees and grass. He had extreme rancor for trees, grass, and animals....

89 News

"Today's featurette will play out has a newscast. And we start off with breaking news from 'Jeff's Domicile.' Jeff?" "Thanks Elijah. I must be the most unlucky person in the whole world! Take last year for example. I had a nice, working scientific calculator. I was in my Algebra I class solving...

Chocolate Muffins

People really piss me off sometimes! A good example of this is this morning. I just wanted some juice, and i look in the fridge and there is 1/32 cm of juice left. Thanks, I see you left some juice for me! How considerate! Also, there is the rare occasion of chocolate muffins! Chocolate muffins rock!...

Pi Day

Why is there a holiday for pi? That makes no sense. We don't have a revelry for any other number, do we? So, what makes this pi so special? Pi day, has been around for almost pi years. You know how many that is? It's about 3.14, but not exactly. You know why? Cos' pi has infinite decimal places. And...

Wal-Mart Prank Phone Calls

We were bored waiting at school for the boys spirit nite game to start. So we called 1-800-GOOG411 to get the number for Wal*Mart. This whole conversation was between me (Elijah) and the Wal*Mart employees. Them: Wal-mart, How may I help you? Me: Hi, will you transfer me to electronics...

My Date With Linzy

Today I had a conversation with Verizon Wireless. I was inquiring about an accessory for my Razr, and she wasn't being very helpful. When I originally began the chat I wasn't planning on making it funny, and it wasn't going to go into my blog. But, I was getting frustrated, and whenever I get frustrated...

Easy Buttons

Easy buttons. Easy buttons rock! Have you ever seen a Staples commercial where they push an easy button and everything gets organized? What's stupid is that there are no Staples in Topeka, so if you want to get an easy button, you have to go all the way to Manhattan! That's messed up! You could buy one...

Cell Phone Contracts

Cell-Phone Contracts are stupid. I don't wanna sign for a 2-year contract and get locked in with my crappy phone that will be obsolete in a month. "Oh hey Elijah, check out my new phone! It shoots video, allows editing, uploads straight to YouTube, allows for free ringtones, has a notepad for writing...

Keyboards

Keyboards. Some keyboards suck. I, personally, have gone through approximately 8 keyboards in my computer time. Mouses bear a close 5, but still...8. They're trash. There's always something wrong with'em (except for the one I happen to be using right now.) They seem to be drink magnets. "Oh? You're...

Kansas Bill

Hello children. Today, I, Fatty Feefs, will be discussing a business bill currently being voted on by KS legislation. The bill would, if receiving a unanimous vote, bring a new catfood factory to Topeka. As you know, I am a large cat, and a new catfood factory would be just the thing for me. It would...

Axe Body Spray

Axe body spray would be somewhere in between crap and awesome. Generally it smells pretty good and helps you pick up some ladies, but that all changes when you get some in your mouth. I'll give you a second to go try spraying some in your mouth, cos' I know some of you will. And for those who are to...