Vote For Hannah!

Elijah Kampsen

Elijah Kampsen

April 20, 2008 12:00 AM CDT

Now, some of you may be aware that Student Council elections are coming up this very Monday! The forecast for Monday? It'll be a bit windy.

Now, let me introduce you to most certainly the prettiest candidate for President (or maybe Secretary...) You may know her as "Lil' Helmke", but we here at Official Orange dub her a different title: Ms. Hannah Helmke!

Vote for Hannah!

Hannah enjoys long walks on the beach, syrup-coated grilled cheese sandwiches (Wait a minute. Even Jeff wouldn't eat that... Gross.), and Pop-Tarts (My savior)! Hannah is definitely the best choice, because... She can relate to the SHHS students. How many other candidates can say that? She loves cats. She even has one named Cow. I think she spends too much time cooped up in her room... She's also a murderer. She killed her first pet, a goldfish, after only 12 hours. See? We CAN relate!

She was forced at gunpoint into running for StuCo. Actually, she chose to on her own, and she had good reason too. You see, Hannah can get things done. If you ask her very politely, with a smile, she can present your ideas to the whole StuCo. If you do it mean, like a certain lunch lady, then she might not help you at all. She can bring a new perspective to the school, and can help enrich the lives of the whole student body. She's definitely the one for the job, and she even likes Lion King! That about settles it. Let's just say, it would be in your best interest to vote for Hannah... Seriously. If you've got an idea, Hannah will be the one to make it happen.

Well, thanks, and tune in next time when we do... Ummm... (Jeff: Official Orange.) Yes, thanks Jeff. Vote for Hannah! Thanks. Good night.