Vending Machines

Elijah Kampsen

Elijah Kampsen

April 16, 2008 12:00 AM EDT

Part I
Vending machines are kind of like crap. They always find a way to malfunction. Take today for instance. I went to buy a bag of Garden Salsa SunChips®, when I fell prey to the evil wrath of that which is thy vending machine. So, I put in my money. A $1 bill. Well, the first time, it doesn't take it, but don't ask me about folded money. Ask Jeff. So, I fought with the machine for quite a while, and finally got my cash to go in. Then I went to type in the number of my choice. 114. The whole top row is Garden Salsa SunChips®, so I had several number options. Again, back to the 114. I type it in, making sure I hit every number correctly, because I don't want to hit the wrong number and end up with some crappy V8 that is crap. 114. "Invalid Choice." Really? Was it really an invalid choice? Or did I type the exact number it said? So, I try another. 110. "Invalid Choice." I'm a tiny bit frustrated at this point, as I'm quite hungry. 112. "Invalid Choice." I'm growing hungrier by the second, and starting to get angry. 116. "Invalid Choice." No, not again. I NEED MY SUNCHIPS®! The final option. 118. I'm almost sure it will let me down, but it's worth a shot. 118. "Invalid Choice." NO! I NEED MY SUNCHIPS®! Grrr... So, I hit the change return button and stormed off to class, quite angrily if I may add. But luckily, I had some Blueberry Kroger Pop-Tarts in my book bag. Pop-Tarts save the day, once again. My savior.

Part II
I had to tell someone. Not the administration, they wouldn't understand. Not, the change window lady, she can't fix it. Not the lunch window lady, she would just be mean. Jeff! So, I told Jeff my story. He comforted me. Then, at lunchtime, I wanted to show my friends this atrocity that is... the vending machine. So, I went and put my $1 in, that was now in quarters thanks to the refund button. 110. It vends. You have got to be kidding me... When I needed it MOST, it denied me. Now, when I didn't even want it, I went and spent my own money, and bought it. It wasn't supposed to happen like this... Not today. No. So, this story ends quite tragically. I ate the Garden Salsa SunChips® and went home full.