The Miracle Worker (Revised)

Elijah Kampsen

Elijah Kampsen

March 4, 2008 12:00 AM EST

The Miracle Worker is boring. Helen needs to wake up and start hearing things, because she's really starting to get old... I want an action story! Maybe if Helen had an arsenal of guns and she went on a rampage running from the cops I would like it, but right now I hate it. It puts me to sleep! Maybe I'll rewrite the Miracle Worker so it's more appealing to an audience of teens. I think I'll do that now... And without further adieu, I present you...

"The Miracle Worker (Revised)" By Elijah.
There once was a girl named Helen who was born blind and deaf. For her second birthday she got a double-barreled sawn-off shotgun from her dad, and a mini-uzi from her mom (they were divorced). When she was 11 her dad left never to be seen again. When she was 16 and old enough to understand what her dad did, she vowed revenge on him, so she began to track him down. Her piles of phone-books lead her to a small cottage in Denver, Colorado. When she arrived, her dad was hosting the weekly KKK meeting. There were burning cross cookies and white pointy hat cookies as refreshments. Just as they were praying to Satan for good crops this season, she burst through the door and opened fire. She ran her Uzi non-stop for 10 minutes, though everyone but her dad was down in about 35 seconds. Then, she pulled out her shotgun and walked toward her dad. "This is for what you did!" she said, and then she fired. But it was a blank! Crap! Just as she went to reload, SWAT came down through the skylights and pinned her to the wall. They arrested her and she was later sentenced to death by wood chipper. The End."

Hopefully this was more exciting then the original.