St. Patricks Day

Elijah Kampsen

Elijah Kampsen

March 17, 2008 7:53 PM EDT

St. Patrick's Day. St. Patrick's Day is neutral. Sure, it's an excuse to wear green, but I didn't even where green. And it's a day to get drunk, but I am too young. St. Patrick's Day is pointless! I couldn't go to the parade, because it rained, and I wouldn't have gotten any candy anyway, because the people who throw the candy are racist, and take one look at me and say "What a pickle-headed tot-tosser! He's taking candy from all those cute little kids. Let's throw our candy in a different direction." They don't even care about my feelings! I go home after a parade, and I cry, and I cry, and I cry, and I eat ice cream, and then I cry some more! Older kids need love too, you know! You know what I did today?! I did chores, and I went bowling! Sure, the bowling wasn't really a punishment, considering it was quite fun, but the chores were Crapfest '08. I'd rather...rather...rather...eat Ramen then do chores! Wait, that's not a punishment either.