Scab Collections

Elijah Kampsen

Elijah Kampsen

May 22, 2008 12:00 AM EDT

Scab collections are sick. Have you ever known a kid with a scab collection that dates back to the first time he fell of his bike? Me neither. But still, you can imagine what it would be like if I did. If you have a scab collection, flush it down the toilet. Now. Cos' that's pretty sick. I don't associate with kids who have scab collections. I'm fine with the occasional booger-picker, and maybe even the chew-with-mouth-openers, but not scab collectors. It's not like a stamp collection. You're not going to be able to sell your scab collection on eBay in 10 years for hundreds of dollars. You know, one time a piece of toast that was burned and looked like Abraham Lincoln sold on eBay for $35? Well, I do. Who would buy Lincoln toast? What if it crumbles on the way to your house? Then all you've got is pieces of poorly cooked wheat that you can eat. That's disgusting. I occasionally burn toast on purpose, because that's how I like my toast. Scrambled!