Potted Plants

Elijah Kampsen

Elijah Kampsen

March 24, 2008 6:35 PM CDT

Potted plants. Potted plants are crap. Here, I'll give you a second to get up, and go over to the nearest potted plant, and just say "Hey...You suck." You know why? There's a couple of reasons. First of all, think of how much work you have to put into the upkeep of a potted plant. You have to water it...and water it...and water it... Well, that probably doesn't seem like much, but in exchange for the gift of life, what does it give in return?! It can't hug you, or voice it's love for you, or lay on your lap and purr. It can lay on your lap, but it's just not the same. And what do people do when they hear that you've named your plant? They make fun of you! Why do people have to be so insensitive? I have a small cactus, and his name is Boris. Boris is a good friend, but he doesn't do much. I tried to teach him fetch, but when it comes to movement, he's about as lazy as me. And they always find a way to get beneath your feet, so you knock them over. Oh, thanks... Now there's dirt all over the floor, and vacuuming sucks!