My Date With Linzy

Elijah Kampsen

Elijah Kampsen

March 9, 2008 9:30 PM CDT

Today I had a conversation with Verizon Wireless. I was inquiring about an accessory for my Razr, and she wasn't being very helpful. When I originally began the chat I wasn't planning on making it funny, and it wasn't going to go into my blog. But, I was getting frustrated, and whenever I get frustrated I fix it with humor. So, here you go. It's not to funny at first, because like I said, it wasn't gonna be a joke until later. And just so you know, Linzy is from Verizon, and "You" is actually me. And another side note is, there are no timestamps, but I typed my side quickly, and it usually took her 2-3 minutes to type on sentence... So once again, enjoy!

Please wait for a Verizon Wireless sales representative to assist you with your order. Thank you for your patience!
A Verizon Wireless online pre-sales specialist has joined the chat. You are now chatting with Linzy.

Linzy: Hello. Thank you for visiting our chat service. May I help you with your order today?
You: Yes, what would I need to listen to music from VCast through a normal set of headphones?
Linzy: I'd be happy to help you with that.
You: I'd be happy if you helped me with that.
Linzy: All you will need is the stereo head phones.
You: There isn't an adapter with USB at one end that plugs into a normal set of headphones on the other end?
Linzy: You will need to contact Tech Support. You can contact our technical support team and they will be able to assist you with this today. The number is 1-888-233-4813.
You: That's stupid. I'm not wasting my time with that.
You: You should know the answer or not.
You: If the answer is your overpriced products are the only thing that works with my phone, then just tell me.
You: It's not like I'm gonna come burn down your office or anything.
You: And why do you type so slow?
You: Is it because your a robot?
Linzy: I do not have access to the information you are looking for you will need to contact tech support. Is there any thing else I can assist you with? You're currently using our Live Chat service with a Verizon Wireless online pre-sales specialist. I'd be happy to assist you today with your questions about our products and services.
You: You already told me that.
You: You're obviously either foreign, or a robot.
You: Oh, and is you're MicroSD card set the cheapest I can get it?
You: Or could I go to a different vendor (NOT VERIZON) and get it for cheaper?
Linzy: I am not a robot and I am not foreign. You can contact Customer Care to see if you can get any better deals through Verizon.
You: No, not through Verizon.
You: Is your deal the cheapest or not?
You: Because I'm pretty sure I could hop on over to Amazon and find it for half of your price. -.-
Linzy: Yes it is.
Linzy: You could do that but it may not be compatible with our phones.
You: Oh, well that's always nice.
You: One sec.
Linzy: Okay.
You: Sorry. I was making myself a burrito.
You: Is your set not the exact same thing they sell at Wal*Mart?
Linzy: I do not have access to that information. Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
You: Hmmm....
You: Do you guys sell burritos? Cos that was my last one.
You: Hey!
You: Are you still there?
You: I have one last question!
You: Are you still there?
You: Should I take my business somewhere else or are you gonna help me?
Linzy: I am still here.
Linzy: We do not sell burritos.
You: Ok, thank you. So, the only thing Verizon sells that would make it so I could listen to my phone through headphones is the stereo headset, correct?
Linzy: Correct.
Linzy: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
You: Well, that makes me very angry.
Linzy: I am very sorry.
You: I gotta look up your guys' number.
You: Oops, just remembered. I don't have a phonebook either. Do you guys sell phonebooks? I need a Boston metro one.
Linzy: We do not see phonebooks. Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
You: You sound very familiar.
You: But I can't remember where I've seen or heard you.
You: Oh!
You: Are you the nerdy looking guy from the Verizon commercials who follow around people who buy your phones?
Linzy: Yes I am. Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
You: Can I get an autograph?
You: I'll give you my address, so you can send me an autograph.
Linzy: We are not allowed to do that.
You: Man, do you guys have a strict manager?
You: I just got a promotion at my job!
You: I'm very excited!
You: Ok, this was actually a test. This is Ed over at the Topeka store.
Linzy: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
You: You have been very professional through this whole ordeal.
You: Yeah, one last thing.
You: Do you guys sell phones? I just realized I don't have a phone to call your store with.
Linzy: We do sell phones. What features are you looking for in a phone?
You: Well, I really like the Jukes out right now. But I want it to be able to play music. It needs texting and phone calls, long-distance, and to cook meat. But I don't want a Juke, those are stupid. Any suggestions?
Linzy: At this time we do not offer phones that cook meat. We do offer the Lg Envy.
You: Do you know of any plans in the future to manufacture meat-grilling phones? And tell me about this envy, because I'm quite jealous.
I do not have access to that information. Our online prices and promotions are subject to change daily. The Envy has a QWERTY keypad and large screen which makes text messaging easy. It also has a 2.0 mega pixel camera which means it takes high quality pictures. This phone supports V-Cast music and a music player along with dual stereo speakers. Plus, today we're offering free shipping to show our appreciation for making an online purchase. Would this phone suit your needs?
You: Well, how many mega pixels does the Razr V3m have?
Linzy: It has 1.3 Mega pixels.
You: Well, right now, I'm pretty happy with my Razr, so I think I'll just stick with that for today.
You: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
You: Ok, I need one last thing.
Linzy: How else may I assist you today?
You: Last thing.
You: Can you do me a huge favor?
Linzy: I might be able to.
You: Please don't tell my parole officer about this conversation, ok?
Linzy: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
You: You didn't answer my question. I need a guarantee.
You: Promise?
Linzy: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
You: Ok, I'll talk to you later. See ya tonight, hun. :)