Maple Syrup

Jeff Hinshaw

Jeff Hinshaw

July 25, 2010 7:55 PM EDT

Maple syrup. Maple syrup is delicious, however maple syrup sucks! Maple syrup is one of the most annoying things ever to be made! You know why? Okay, let's make a completely hypothetical situation here. Let's just say someone, who we'll name 'Jamfalcon', was to wake up one Saturday morning to the pleasant surprise that his mom had made him wonderfully prepared pancakes. (Along with sausage links that his family got from the family farm and apple-cranberry juice. Remember, this is completely hypothetical.) Now Jamfalcon LOVED pancakes! He would start with his bottom pancake, add some butter, then pour some delicious maple syrup. He would then proceed to stack a second pancake on and put some more butter and then some more delicious maple syrup. Jamfalcon would then finish with the last pancake with more butter and more delicious maple syrup, making a total of three stacked pancakes with butter and syrup on each layer.

Now, as you can imagine, this is one delicious breakfast, but there's a small problem here. The thing is that the maple syrup started to spread. It somehow got on his fork, which then got syrup on Jamfalcon's hand, which at that point syrup proceeded to get on everything!

If you haven't figured it out by now, this is NOT a hypothetical situation! The fact is that I'M Jamfalcon and maple syrup SUCKS! Seriously! I don't know how it does it, but the syrup magically gets on your fork! You can be as sneaky and as careful as you want and try and make sure NO maple syrup gets ANYWHERE NEAR the handle on your fork, but that damn maple syrup gets on your fork and then gets on your hand and goes freakin' everywhere! Soon it's on the table, on your arm, on your face, on your napkin, and then on the syrup bottle itself which is really annoying because then when you want to have maple syrup again it's STILL ON THE BOTTLE! And all I want to know is how the hell the syrup got on the handle of my fork in the first place! If anyone has a solution to this, that would be awesome because I love pancakes, but maple syrup sucks!