Dancing Queen

Alec Weaver

Alec Weaver

May 9, 2012 10:25 AM EDT

As I have scrolled through my Facebook timeline this week, I have been privy to the fact that another prom has come and gone at my local Alma Mater; and while I hope all went well, there is something that I feel must be addressed: one topic that apparently has gone un-discussed by many young men and has led to some startling outcomes. That is the topic of a proper tuxedo. Gentlemen, unless your date has expressed EXPLICITLY that she wants you to match her colors, these are the un-bendable rules that you must go by in order to make her night special. And yes, it is HER night. If you are attending any type of event in which it is traditional to take a date who wears a gown/dress, then you should adhere to the time honored mantra WWGD. (What Would George Do?) There is a reason, after all, why so many women (and men) swoon over him.

George Clooney Rockin a Tux

If it's good enough for George, it's good enough for you. PERIOD. In answering this esoteric question, abide by the following guidelines:

Number one: Black

It should be a no-brainer, but it isn't. Many young men will stray from the path of George and opt for a less debonair tuxedo, all for the immature sake of humor. Listen to me, and remember my words: the night isn't yours, it's hers. You are an accessory, only a little more important than a corsage or clutch; and while she many assure you otherwise, allow this to be your mindset at all times. By deciding to be a peaCOCK goofball, you have taken eyes off of your date and placed them on you. In essence, you have put your date on a lower pedestal than you and George would never do that. Ever. There are exceptions to the rule, however, but they only apply to these men:

Sean Connery

Ryan Goseling

Brandon Flowers

Number two: No vests

Are you at a wedding? No? Then no vests.

John Slattery
This rule even applies John "King of the Vests" Slattery

Number three: Bow tie

This is merely a matter of preference, however it takes you from: "Is that a suit?" to "Nice Tux!"

Number four: Shoes

Look, we all know that black and white wingtips are awesome. Even as I watched this scene from the Godfather, all I could think was "Gosh, hope he didn't scuff those shoes". But during an event in which you have to wear a tux, the only thing white should be your shirt.

Number five: Accessories

Studs and cufflinks. This means NO hats, NO canes, and NO pocket watches. Don't dress like a pimp if you don't want your date to feel like a prostitute.

Look, I realize that prom is not a "formal" event, however that doesn't mean that you don't have to treat it like one. A good, simple tuxedo can take you from "Meh" to "Hamm", and after the dances are over and you have graduated from school, at some point you WILL have to wear a tuxedo again. And when that time comes, just ask yourself: WWGD?

P.S. no double breasted jackets unless you are a navy officer.