Blogs

Daylight Savings Time

Daylight Savings Time

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 7, 2008 9:52 PM EST
Daylight savings time is another one of those things that is in between awesome, and crap. This upcoming Sunday morning, at precisely 2AM, you are asked to set your clocks forward one hour. First of all, who decided that it had to be precisely 2AM? What the heck? And what's the need for this time change...
Life Jackets

Life Jackets

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 7, 2008 9:52 PM EST
Life jackets suck. Sure, they can save your life, but they're itchy and rub up against your skin like a suckafool. Life jackets, in the event that you were to fall off a floating vessel, could mean life in a life or death situation. But that's no excuse for their uncomfortable and unstylishness. You...
Chain Letters

Chain Letters

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 7, 2008 9:52 PM EST
Chain letters. Now this one really sets me off. I get 8 or so texts a day (250 a month,) and I don't appreciate receiving ones that read: FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD Snd dis 2 10 peple n 45 seconds & ur secrt crsh wil giv u a kis If u dont ull dy 2nt. Ok, was that even English?! Let's see. 10 > 8, so if...
Ramen

Ramen

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 7, 2008 9:52 PM EST
I LOVE RAMEN! It's the cheapest way to eat, (besides going to the lake, catching a fish with you're hands, building a campfire, cooking the fish, and eating that.) $.17 a package. $.17 a package! If my parents made me pay for what I eat, I think I could do it. I would spend like $.51 a day, and I would...
Websense

Websense

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 6, 2008 7:27 PM EST
Websense sucks. I'm sure most of my readers know what I mean by Websense. It's that page that comes up at school when you search something too suggestive. So, most kids hate it because they can't check their Facebooks or whatever at school. That rant's on my list, but so is another. So, I'm doing a school...
Gas Prices

Gas Prices

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 6, 2008 7:27 PM EST
Gas prices are crap. I gotta tell you, I love it when it costs more in gas to get to McDonald's than my whole meal (Double Cheeseburger [no onions, no pickles,] a value fry, and a M&M McFlurry) costs me. I would be getting a better deal if I just drank the gas. It just occurred to me that that didn't...
Mentors

Mentors

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 6, 2008 7:27 PM EST
The "featured question" of the day is "If you could choose a mentor, who would it be and why?" Well, I'll tell you who mine would be. I would choose the guy who makes the doughnuts at Casey's general store. Those doughnuts are delicious! If I could make those, I'm pretty sure I could have any girl I...
Chuck E' Cheeses

Chuck E' Cheeses

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 5, 2008 6:11 PM EST
Chuck E' Cheese. Chuck E' Cheese sucks. I would go there often, but I hate it. Say you saved up tickets from every time you went since you were 6...You could buy a Jolly Rancher now! That's incredibly stupid. Like 800 tickets will buy you a Snickers fun-sized candy bar. Oh, thanks ChuckE!... And how...
Crowded Airplanes

Crowded Airplanes

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 5, 2008 6:11 PM EST
Crowded airplanes. Crowded airplanes suck. I don't want to be sitting next to a guy who wants to watch my laptop with me, or someone with a baby, or someone who is sick, or someone who enjoys loud death-metal blaring through their earphones. That is why I fully support noise-canceling headphones (and...
Crayola Color Wonder Paper

Crayola Color Wonder Paper

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 5, 2008 6:11 PM EST
That stuff is dumb. And I like their new marketing strategy, Fill them with glitter! Ingenious! Hilary Clinton and Ellen would be quite in-angered. But, there's one fatal flaw. You can't make glitter only appear on paper. "Honey, I see your painting on your paper. That's very pretty. Oh, and I noticed...
School Buses

School Buses

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 4, 2008 12:00 AM EST
School buses. School buses are stupid. There big and yellow, and stupid. First of all, you have to wait out there in the cold every morning (assuming it's cold out) and then you get to get on to the stinky bus with 2 to a seat (with someone you probably don't like) and then you get to ride to that stupid...
Normal Pop & Diet Pop

Normal Pop & Diet Pop

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 4, 2008 12:00 AM EST
Pop. Pop is great. I love pop. In fact, if you look around my room, you will find 100's upon 100's (or maybe like 6) empty pop cans. I love all pop, except for diet. Diet pop is crap. What is the point of diet pop?! It tastes nothing like the normal stuff, so people trying to lose weight won't want to...
The Miracle Worker (Revised)

The Miracle Worker (Revised) (narrated)

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 4, 2008 12:00 AM EST
The Miracle Worker is boring. Helen needs to wake up and start hearing things, because she's really starting to get old... I want an action story! Maybe if Helen had an arsenal of guns and she went on a rampage running from the cops I would like it, but right now I hate it. It puts me to sleep! Maybe...
iPod FM Trasmitters

iPod FM Trasmitters

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 4, 2008 12:00 AM EST
iPod FM Transmitters rock! Dalton brought one to school today, and in Design class (where we always listen to the radio), he turned it on and instead of the normal music (Soulja Boy, Huey, etc.) that we listen to, we listened to Cannibal Corpse. Then Mr. Loy took the transmitter away. The End.
Popcorn Feet

Popcorn Feet

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 3, 2008 4:55 PM EST
There once lived a boy named Hajile. He wore socks and shoes to school EVERY day (like most kids). Only, when Hajile got home, he liked to keep his shoes on. Well, after a while, Hajile's feet would start to sweat and eventually become soaking wet (well not soaking, but pretty damp). So, little Hajile...
Stinky, the Cat

Stinky, the Cat

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 3, 2008 4:55 PM EST
I was once sleeping (like I do ever so often), when I had a dream. Out behind our house is a lot of woods (about 100 ft. away from the deck. I walked out on the deck and noticed that Stinky (my black-and-white cat, who kind of resembles Hitler) was tormenting my other cat, Spraycat (my dad named him...
Floppy Disks

Floppy Disks

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 3, 2008 4:55 PM EST
Floppy Disks are dumb. What can they hold? Like 1 megabyte? Stupid. I have like 450 floppy disks, and they're a waste of space, so I thought, "Why don't I just make a sandwich?" I went to the kitchen, only to find that we had NO lunch meat. But then I remembered, we have 100's of floppy disks. So, I...
Cat Food

Cat Food

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 2, 2008 2:37 PM EST
Hello, I am Fatty Feefs and today I will be explaining a recipe for some GREAT catfood! Here's the instructions. 25 "D"-shaped Pieces 25 "U"-shaped Pieces 25 "M"-shaped Pieces 25 "B"-shaped Pieces Mix all the pieces in a bowl. And that was the instructions on how to make "8th Grader" Catfood!
Magic 8-ball

Magic 8-ball

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 2, 2008 2:37 PM EST
Magic 8 Balls are worthless. I just asked my Magic 8 Ball if I had to poop and it said "no." Well, I do have to poop. Stupid Magic 8 Ball. What does it know?
Drink Mixes

Drink Mixes

Elijah Kampsen
Elijah Kampsen
March 2, 2008 2:37 PM EST
Those things that have powder and you pour them into bottles of water to flavor them. I love them! Well, I was at school the other day and I saw a kid in a trench coat over in the corner, and so I asked him what he was selling. Well, as it turns out, they are making ones filled with cocaine that you...